But cultural attitudes have clearly shifted towards acceptance of affairs.They're seen as a lifestyle choice; an option for men and women yearning for excitement or intimacy that's lacking or has dulled during a marriage.Suddenly we found ourselves talking, feeling like we had known each other for years." The affair "just "happened," George added. Another one sounding a bit more "strategic" came from Jan, a 41-year-old lawyer.She told me that her affair was a "marriage stabilizer.Given that new reality, I put together what I've learned about the psychology of affairs, their meaning and their consequences for people in our current culture. We ended up in bed, as well as a lot of other places! The liberating and compelling feeling from this kind of affair, though, can mask hidden emotional conflicts.
Postscript: One of their spouses eventually discovered the incriminating e-mails, and the family affair quickly turned into a family nightmare. Humans are experts at creating illusions for ourselves.
I find that people in this kind of affair find something in each other that's lacking in their "real" relationship, and they're not dealing with that.
Aside from the challenge of remaining on the chaste side of the sexual borderline, such "lovers" must hope that their primary partners continue to believe they're telling the truth.
But before that awakening occurred, she suffered, and she still had to deal with the reality of her marriage and how to heal her own trauma. Can you call it an affair if the "lovers" don't have sex? They became very close, working together on a volunteer project.
Paul was married, and Linda was divorced but living with a boyfriend.